you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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