Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
