five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
