I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
