So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
ugly people sure do ruin things
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
