I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
