it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Someone shattered a urinal.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
