Tell her she can't have a vagina
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
