can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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