yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
