I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
