Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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