A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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