just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
