The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
