Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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