What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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