I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
