I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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