so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
