you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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