Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
