were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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