i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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