I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
