You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
