If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
