evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
