we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
