Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
