I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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