did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
