..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
