dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
