Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
