There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
