Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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