be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
