i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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