Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
