I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm bleeding and have questions
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
