Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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