I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
