You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
