you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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