I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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