Can i not drive my cunt home
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
