Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
