If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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