you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
